J: (rapping, with his captain hat on) I am the captain of this apartment. Watch my hand go from port to starboard.
Me: Is this starboard? This is starboard.
J: That's what I just said! What are you going to do, get out your compass?
Me: ...
J: Oh YOU'D be fun at an Earth Wind & Fire concert.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
J: You'd be like "Where's Wind?" Because you can't see him.